When it comes to choosing a life partner, men who are already married have plenty of wisdom to share. In response to a question on X (formerly Twitter) about the most important factors to consider before marriage, husbands weighed in with their thoughts.
Their responses ranged from emotional compatibility to handling stress, shared values, and even the ability to forgive. Here’s what they had to say:
How Does She Handle Stress and Conflict?
A recurring theme among men was how a woman reacts in difficult situations. Marriage isn’t always smooth sailing, and knowing how your partner handles stress can make all the difference.
@SlanderedOne put it bluntly: “It’s critical to consider how she acts when she’s angry. Some wives will talk it out, and others will throw a brick through your windshield. Know who you are dealing with.”
Similarly, @BillSwiggart pointed out practical concerns: “Does she handle stress well or freak out easily? Is she debt-free? Does she love children and animals?” These might not seem romantic questions, but they matter in the long run.
Bringing Peace, Not Stress
Many men highlighted that a wife should bring peace rather than chaos. @GibberOZ kept it simple: “Someone that removes stress from our lives, not adds to it.”
@CoachJRMY expanded on this idea, explaining that a good wife isn’t just someone who loves you: “She’s someone who respects your purpose, guards your peace, and shows up when life gets hard. Choose with wisdom. You’re not just picking a partner—you’re picking your future.”
Core Values Matter More Than You Think
While attraction and chemistry are important, several husbands emphasised that shared values are the foundation of a strong marriage. @banthopologist, a psychotherapist married for 28 years, shared:
“I believe everyone has a very small number of non-negotiable needs required for a fulfilling marriage—trust, respect, shared values, and not many more than that. Most of the needs I thought were non-negotiable early in my marriage turned out not to be as important.”
Others echoed this sentiment. @Geeman1082 stressed the importance of similar core values, the ability to have meaningful conversations, and making each other laugh.
Compatibility Beyond Romance
Beyond values and emotional stability, compatibility in personality and long-term goals is crucial. @andersmalmer pointed out that factors like introversion versus extroversion, views on children, and mutual trust will dictate the course of a marriage.
Meanwhile, @ken_macdermid reminded men that “in an age of individualism, we tend to forget that you are marrying into a family, as is your wife.”
Forgiveness and Understanding
Conflict is inevitable in any marriage, which is why the ability to forgive was another key point. @danielkern79 kept it simple: “It helps if they are a good forgiver.” Holding grudges can be toxic, so choosing someone who can move past arguments is a valuable trait.
The Best Marriages Are Built on Friendship
Several men emphasised that beyond love and attraction, a wife should be your best friend. @minkeymagik shared:
“I married a woman I would leave my friends for any day of the week. I would rather do anything with her than my favourite thing with my boys. Marriage is a commitment to putting that person first, in everything—before your friends, your family, even your kids.”
@ChefMMiami had a similar view: “She made me smile, and she can hold a conversation for hours about anything. My parents loved her.”
Final Thoughts: Choose Wisely
Marriage is one of the biggest decisions a man will ever make, and according to these husbands, the key is to choose someone who adds to your life rather than complicates it. Whether it’s emotional stability, shared values, or simply having a best friend by your side, the right partner can make all the difference.
As @CoachJRMY wisely put it: “You’re not just choosing a spouse—you’re choosing your future.”
By geoffrey mbuthia
