In a Nairobi mall adorned with glittering red decorations and heart-shaped items, Alex’s palms sweat at the thought of finding a gift for his girlfriend the day before Valentine’s Day.
For the first time in a couple of years, Alex is in a happy, loving, albeit recent relationship, and they plan to spend Valentine’s Day together.
Yet, he struggles to decide on a gift. Oddly, anything his girlfriend has ever mentioned wanting now seems to elude him.
He opens X on his phone to see what other women desire and what men are buying for their partners. Instead, he finds himself stifling laughter at the often humorous, sometimes toxic, conversations about Valentine’s Day. Then, he comes across a tweet that changes his mood.
“Somehow, society made it feel like Valentine’s is only about buying gifts for women, impressing women, and ‘showing up’ for women. But love is not a performance for one person. It’s a two-way exchange. Men also deserve to be celebrated. They also want to feel chosen, appreciated and valued not just for what they provide, but for who they are,” the tweet reads.
The message prompts Alex to reflect on whether he has ever received a Valentine’s gift. He realizes he cannot remember such a gesture and begins to wonder what he would want for the day. Though he does not feel pressured to go over the top, he knows his girlfriend is deserving, and he questions if he feels deserving too.
Traditionally, Valentine’s Day has centered women as the recipients and men as the givers in heterosexual relationships.
“Men don’t expect to get things,” said Sean Thiga, emphasizing that he does not anticipate receiving anything.
Some men do not mind that their efforts are not reciprocated and take it as a challenge to “go big or go home” every Valentine’s Day. Others downplay the day, treating it like any other date on the calendar.
“I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day because I don’t feel any attachment to it,” said Ali*, not his real name.
Some men also believe that monetary gestures do not equate to love.
“I don’t really celebrate Valentine’s the way it is conventionally celebrated, and I believe love should never involve money,” said Andrew G.
In 2026, men simply want to feel seen, with even small gestures making a meaningful impact.
“We just want assurance that the girls think about us, even in our absence,” Thiga added.
Decoding Men’s Valentine’s Day Wishes
Society often summarizes men’s desires as gadgets, sex, or “nothing,” reflecting the perception that men are difficult to shop for. In reality, many men value simple recognition and genuine appreciation.
“If someone gives me even the smallest thing like a shirt or even socks, I’ll appreciate it so much,” Thiga said, highlighting the significance of a small gesture.
Low-pressure quality time is also valued. Cozy evenings at home, shared hobbies, and casual outings often appeal more than fine dining, with some men seeking overall peace.
“I want peace for Valentine’s Day, and the thought behind the gift will and should always matter, not only to me but to the entire public,” said Remy*, not his real name.
Useful and practical gifts tailored to individual interests are preferred over generic romantic gestures. Men also desire closeness, mutual desire, and fun in physical and emotional intimacy. Overall, many men appreciate the option to keep Valentine’s Day simple, celebrate platonically, or skip traditional observances entirely.
Embracing Every Form of Love
Several men view Valentine’s Day as not limited to couples.
“Valentine’s Day is a day of love, and love comes in many forms: motherly, fatherly, and platonic, even though society has narrowed it down for couples,” Remy* said.
Some men celebrate friendships, dubbing it a “bros’ night out,” while others express gratitude to strong women who shaped them, such as mothers, sisters, aunts, and grandmothers. Some give back to mentors who guided them, and others focus on self-care to nurture their relationship with themselves.
Love on His Own Terms
Alex’s thoughts are interrupted by a notification from his girlfriend. Her message reads: “I’d like you to know that I’m grateful for you, and your presence in my life, and I can’t wait to celebrate with you tomorrow,” accompanied by red heart and kiss emojis.
He grins, and a passing security guard jokingly asks if it’s his Valentine’s making him happy. Alex chuckles and nods. In that moment, he realizes that regardless of the gifts exchanged, feeling loved and appreciated is what truly matters.
