Hi Chris,
I’m a single mum and I worry that my children see so little of their father. Does having a father around make a difference in children’s lives?
Fathers
Chris says,
Hi Fathers!
A father’s influence on his children’s lives often goes unrecognised, especially the role model he provides. Boys who don’t understand how successful men live their lives often struggle to get started in life and both boys and girls struggle to form successful relationships.
A good father is firm but affectionate with his family. Sometimes it’s necessary to lean on children pretty hard, both for their own good and yours. Children seem to need conflict, especially boys, and fathering and mothering are two different parenting styles. Kids need both.
Fathers show their children how male and female behaviour differ and yet how they can enjoy loving relationships together.
He shows his sons how to navigate the world of men and has a huge influence on his daughters. Girls who grow up without a father figure tend to do worse in school and have more behavioural issues.
A girl’s childhood relationship with her father affects her self-confidence as an adult, her ability to love and trust, and her expectations of how she’ll be treated by men. She’s likely to be subconsciously attracted to men who treat her like her father treated her because we go for what’s familiar, not what’s good.
So, what does this mean for you as a single mum? It means trying not to cut your ex out of your life, unless he’s truly harmful. Try to be good co-parents and avoid demonising him or trying to prevent him from accessing his children.
If your ex is never around, learn the male parenting style. Be tough on your kids when necessary, especially your sons!
And find role models, maybe your father, brother, or a close family friend, who can show your children what a good man is like. Having a good male role model will make a huge difference in their lives.
All the best,
Chris
