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Kibera mums beat the blues together

 

Agnes Achieng's house in Nairobi's Kibera area is always full of activity.

She is constantly going in and out of different rooms to get things ready for her guests.

Every week, the 55-year-old mother of four opens her doors to a group of women to come and convene at her house.

The women are mothers, most of whom have recently had children, and others who have even older children.

They are mothers living in Kibera who are still going through the postpartum phase of motherhood.

Agnes, together with her colleague Leonida, runs the Kibera Mums Aftercare group, which gives support to struggling mothers.

They come together, sit, laugh, talk about their different journies and even share some food and other resources they may have in abundance.

Agnes recognises the need for a support system in place for mothers who may be struggling.

"Some of these mothers are just young girls barely 18 years old. They have been kicked out of their homes because of these unplanned pregnancies, and they are completely unprepared for motherhood," she said.

Without proper support, these women become vulnerable to unscrupulous people.

During one recent get-together at Agnes', she reminded them of the dangers of keeping to themselves when they are in need.

"You might be in need of diapers or sanitary pads but you keep to yourself or you ask help from a person who might only want to exploit you," she cautioned.

"Especially you, young mothers. Be wary of men who might want to exploit you."

WHY SHE STARTED IT

Her own postpartum journey motivates Agnes to keep helping these women and help as many young girls not to find themselves in such predicaments as an ambassador at Days For Girls organisation.

In 2007, during the post-election violence, Agnes' husband was arrested the same day she left the hospital after delivering her lastborn child.

She had delivered her baby through a C-section, and with three other young children, she could not cope without help from her husband.

"I went back home to stay with my mother and after two months, received news that my husband had died," she said.

She had to rely on her relatives and neighbours to help her cope with everything lest she fell apart and became unable to fend for her children.

Such traumatic or stressful events during pregnancy or after birth can lead to mothers suffering depression or baby blues after giving birth.

Unfortunately, not all women have the privilege of getting care the way Agnes did.

Lilian Adhiambo, a 32-year-old mother of three, says she was constantly worried about the future of her children when she was pregnant with her five-month-old baby.

“When I was about eight months pregnant, my eldest son was also about to sit his KCPE exams. I was constantly worried about his school fees and getting ready for birth as well,” she said.

Though she had set aside money to cater for all these expenses, unforeseen circumstances saw her go into labour without a cent in her pocket.

“I was so stressed out. Here was my baby, born healthy and handsome, but I had so much on my mind. There was no food at home, not enough diapers for the baby, and not enough clothes. It was a stressful time,” she said.

The stress caused her to not produce enough milk for her baby when he needed it the most.

She suffered in isolation for a couple of weeks, not confiding in many people because she felt she would be judged as being ill-prepared for birth.

“I didn’t want to confide in my friends or neighbours because I felt they would go around spreading gossip about how they helped me with money and such things,” she said.

POSTPARTUM WOES

Financial problems aside, postpartum is a difficult time for most mothers and fathers as well.

The newborn phase is accompanied by a lot of sleep deprivation, exhaustion and even the stress of adjusting to the new life.

Many women end up wallowing in depressive states like baby blues or worse, postpartum depression.

Zipporah Mbinya said she remembers being very sad and constantly tired the first few weeks after leaving the hospital.

“I cried a lot. I cried when my baby wouldn’t go to sleep. I cried when I thought about how tired I was and how little sleep I was getting. My husband was really helpful but I also found myself being angry at him all the time for the smallest things,” she said.

Mbinya said she once furiously yelled at her husband for forgetting to bring home milk that she had sent him to get, along with other things.

“The supermarket was just five minutes away and he could have gone to get it after forgetting it, but I yelled like it was hours away,” she recalls, laughing.

Helen Onyango also recalled being very irritable after giving birth.

She often took out her anger on her other children and even her neighbours' children.

“I didn’t like my older children making noise and waking the baby up, so I used to beat them and tell them to stay outside till the baby woke up,” Helen said.

“I also did not like it when other people’s children came to visit me or my children.”

She once went as far as chasing them out of her house because she simply did not like them being in her home.

While baby blues are mild and go away after a couple of weeks, postpartum depression lasts longer and may need medication to manage.

Don’t keep to yourself after giving birth. Talk to your friends and family, tell them how the journey of motherhood is going but do not isolate yourself from everyone
Brenda Kituyi

OPENING UP

Brenda Kituyi, a counselling psychologist who was attending the session in Kibera, said most mothers experience baby blues that may lead up to depression.

“Postpartum depression is a clinical disease that is diagnosed by a psychiatrist and a large number of women suffer from it, sometimes without knowing it,” she said.

The common symptoms of baby blues are feeling sad, crying a lot, feeling overwhelmed and emotionally fragile.

“With depression, you feel irritable, have depressive moods that last a long time, and you feel hopeless all the time,” Brenda said.

If you think you have these symptoms, then you should seek a psychiatrist’s help at your local health centre so they can establish whether you have all the symptoms of postpartum depression, she said.

According to healthcare website WebMD, postpartum depression can have symptoms as severe as suicidal thoughts and an inability to care for your newborn child, and you may end up harming yourself or your baby.

“You might find yourself withdrawing from your partner or being unable to bond well with your baby. You might find your anxiety out of control, preventing you from sleeping, even when your baby is asleep,” it says.

“You might find feelings of guilt or worthlessness overwhelming or begin to develop thoughts preoccupied with death or even wish you were not alive.” 

For these marginalised women or young girls with children who have little idea of what baby blues or postpartum depression is, being in such a group in the community can be a life-changer.

Brenda said speaking about what they are feeling is the first step in the right direction.

“Don’t keep to yourself after giving birth. Talk to your friends and family, tell them how the journey of motherhood is going but do not isolate yourself from everyone,” she said.

She said that as women, they were their own best allies because they understand what they go through as mothers, wives, daughters and sisters living in Kibera.

“The next time you are going to the clinic for postnatal visits, make sure you talk to the clinical officer or nurses who are going to see you. Tell them if you are having trouble sleeping, eating or if you are constantly irritable so they can refer you for help,” she said.

Kituyi recognised that it is difficult for people to open up about their mental health or what struggles they are currently going through.

“But for women who may not have access to quality, affordable healthcare or those who have little knowledge about such mental health issues like young mothers, then forums like these are a lifeline for them,” she said.

“Getting to lean on other, mothers can lighten the load and help identify solutions like, for example, taking them to a psychiatrist for medication.”     BY THE STAR  

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