It has profoundly transformed the way people approach dating in the 21st century, reshaping how individuals meet, interact, and form relationships.
With the rise of platforms like Tinder, Instagram, Facebook, Tiktok and a host of other dating apps, traditional dating dynamics have shifted significantly.
While social media has made it easier to connect with potential partners, it has also introduced new challenges, including the rise of unrealistic expectations, comparison culture, and issues surrounding privacy and trust.
Sophia,28, narrates how social media reshaped her relationship.
As a marketing professional, I thought I’d meet my boyfriend in a bookstore, at the mall, in a restaurant, in church or through mutual friends. But when I got transferred to work in Nairobi, my social life shifted, I began connecting with my friends online and that’s how I met my ex-boyfriend Nigel.
I met Nigel through Instagram; our connection began when I responded to one of his posts that resonated with me. Our conversations quickly deepened after we realized we both had love for books. We’d suggest a book, read together and discuss it on face time calls. After some time, our calls became consistent, and that gave us an immediate sense of intimacy.
The ability to stay connected throughout the day and night made our bond stronger and effortless. As they say “Love should be easy”. Everything about us was so easy and that made me believe that was the relationship I had been praying and hoping for. There was no doubt that we weren’t meant to be together.
Distraction dilemma
After few months, we started dating and that meant spending time together was inevitable. We’d go on picnic dates, dinner dates, movie night and game nights. We really enjoyed the moments we shared but the moments were interrupted by social media. We’d often check notifications during dinner or scroll through feeds during our picnic dates, this digital world sometimes pulled us apart even when we were physically together.
Public validation
After our first year of dating, we began posting cute pictures of ourselves as a ‘couple’. We even went ahead and created a joint Tiktok account where we’d post our journey of love, just to get validation from our friends and followers. We’d see comments such as; “couple goals”, and some ladies would ask, “God when?”. Such comments made us think what we shared would last.
Increased insecurities and trust issues.
However, beneath the online aesthetic, the bond we had started to crack. I realized Nigel was still following his ex on social media –why would he do that? Why would he comment on pictures of other ladies with love emoji and fail to comment on mine? Why would he reply to flirty comments beneath his picture? Insecurities, jealousy and overthinking started kicking in but we had to keep it private because we had portrayed a perfect picture online. I personally never wanted anyone to know we were fighting, not even our close friends. How can the online power couple fight?
Comparison Culture.
As the relationship continued, I found myself comparing our relationship with the relationship of influencers online. I was wondering why we didn’t have the spark they had. I mean, their spark seemed stronger. I’d see other men take their girlfriends on vacations, going to dinner dates in expensive restaurants, men buying extravagant gifts and throwing surprises to their partners.
Why doesn’t Nigel post me as much as these men post their girlfriends? Why hasn’t he surprised me with a fancy vacation trip? Why are we not going on road trips like others do? I’d always ask these questions. I began to think something special was missing in our relationship.
Ghosting.
I finally decided to confront Nigel concerning his online interactions with other ladies and also why he doesn’t do as much as other men do. “It’s just social media, there’s nothing serious,” he said. I got worried because I thought he’d consider my emotions and probably work towards making me happy.
As weeks passed, I felt more disconnected from him. Our conversations became shorter, messages not replied and plans to meet in person even to shoot our online content as a “couple” kept getting postponed.
During this period, Nigel was still active on social media, he’d still post his Instagram stories, his X was still active but he had cut communication with me. He totally ghosted me. He didn’t just ghost me emotionally but even socially. Watching him move on with life as if nothing happened, broke my heart even more.
After moments of reflection, Sophia realized that solid relationships have ups and downs because everyone has flaws, no one is perfect and no one can be in agreement with their partner every day.
Moreover, a strong relationship isn’t defined by what others say online, or the kind of posts you share online – It is defined by genuine connection and effort.
Sophia and Nigel’s relationship is a true reflection of how social media has reshaped dating in the 21st century.
While social media can be a tool for creating beautiful connections, it needs effort to ensure that it enhances the relationship rather than breaking it.
By Dorcas Owano
