Hi Chris,
Is it just me, or does everyone struggle to make conversation on a date? How do I really get to know a guy, especially if I want to take things further?
Better Talk
Chris says,
Hi Better Talk!
It’s really quite simple. Just keep asking each other questions that gradually become more personal. As you share more and more intimate information, you’ll build a connection.
Avoid trivialities, complaints and bad jokes. Make good eye contact and take turns. Listen carefully and show you’re interested by nodding, smiling and leaning forward. A little gentle humour doesn’t hurt either.
First conversations usually go best if you quickly exchange some information about your jobs or families, and then start asking questions that draw out your new friend’s opinions and feelings.
If you’re hoping to start a relationship, be open and honest from the start. And if that doesn’t feel possible with someone new, then you’re in for trouble. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you have to tell everything the moment you meet. But you can’t wait too long, or it will feel weird when things finally come out.
So quickly ‘brush up’ on your marital history, children and so on. And don’t try to hide anything important, not even for a moment! So if you’re a single mother, for example, slip that into the very first conversation. Something like “wow, is this the time, I have to pick up my daughter…”.
After that, whenever he shares something, share something similar about yourself, so that neither of you is too far ahead or behind. Things like how you spend your time, your interests, attitudes and values. Tell each other about your parents, siblings and friends, including any skeletons in their closets! Admit to anything spectacularly wild you have done, however long ago. But a lot of detail is unnecessary.
It all works because gradually increasing personal disclosure brings you closer together. And it’s easy and fun. But it still takes practice to put it all together, so get out there and work on your conversation skills!
All the best,
Chris
