My man disgusts me, and I don’t see any future with him despite moving in
I have been cohabiting with this man for six months now. Together we have a son, we met during Covid-19, dated for about a month and I later realised that he is not my cup of tea so we broke up. A month later I found out I was pregnant despite being on family planning. I informed him of my pregnancy but categorically told him that I did not want to be with him. He supported me during pregnancy and I even used his medical card during delivery. We stayed apart for a long time and finally moved in in May this year after a lot of convincing (I was not for the idea and I had turned it down severally). Here is the problem, my man doesn’t care about his physical hygiene, sometimes I have to force him to shower or even brush his teeth, he will never spend a cent on his clothing and I have bought 99 per cent of his clothes. He doesn’t care about his health and he eats like there is no tomorrow. He was told that his weight was becoming dangerous he went to the gym for a month and stopped. He is an extreme introvert, most times he is quiet so you may not tell what he is thinking, but now the biggest issue is his anger management issue. I have seen him project his anger onto someone else to a point of almost physically attacking him out of something very petty. He has also projected his anger towards me due to a small argument we had, and I am afraid this will one day get out of hand. I recently brought up a conversation about what would happen if we decided to go separate ways and he brushed it off. I honestly do not have any feelings for him as he even does not meet my conjugal rights due to weight issues and also the fact that he is unhygienic. He is kind, loving, and caring but I just don’t see any future with him.
READER’S ADVICE
It is hard to have healthy communication when you are dating someone with anger issues. Every disagreement or dispute is dangerous as it can lead to assault. This can be draining for you, especially if you think they will change, but nothing happens. But again, anger issues don’t just surface in people. It might have been due to a mental health disorder or childhood experience. The best way is to encourage him to seek professional help. Lastly, there's no reason that you have to stay married if the love has died. It doesn't even have to be someone's fault, find a way that you can separate and both continue to be parents.
Fred Jausenge, Dubai- UAE
You disliked your man from the get-go. You had a negative attitude towards him and that is why you are not compatible despite the reasons you are giving. If you change your attitude towards him, you can change the unwanted character that he has. You can shape that man into the man you want.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale
Sit him down in a loving tone and show him you care about his health and accompany him to a professional therapist on weight and anger management. You are the one who has assessed the issues and so take charge as he may not be aware of the repercussions. Men need to be reminded constantly of what needs to be done.
W. Kagochi Kuira, Counselor Nyeri
Not all marriages go the fairy tale way of a boy meeting girl and ending up living happily ever after. Yours is a typical case, you strung this man along, emotionally toying with him while having the expectation that a better man will emerge and you will leave him like a bullet shot. Accept it that you, dear, are now a married woman with a child. Learn to accept the man as he is and try to change in small loving doses. Marriage is a lesson in tolerance. Good luck.
Drive Counseling Centre-Kitengela
EXPERT’S TAKE
It is clear that you are not compatible and that you have never really been into him. One thing led to another and a baby was born. You had broken up and only the baby brought you back together. It is good that he wants to take responsibility, however, him being caring and loving does not translate to harmony and happily ever after for the two of you. Your prolonged cohabitation will most likely brew up a toxic relationship which will not favour your child. I do not see him changing to suit you. You need to stand your ground and firmly tell him that you appreciate his decision to be there for you and your baby, however, you don’t foresee a long-term union. Will you manage to take care of your child if he walks away? It is important that you have an open conversation on all this and more.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
Please hide my ID. I need help I have been married for over 10 years and in 2019 when I was expecting our fourth child I suspected my husband was cheating on me with our house girl in 2020 I confirmed my fears, I confronted my husband and released the girl but now my worry is I lost every feeling with my husband, however, much I try I don’t feel like being intimate with him. I have prayed and fasted but it's draining me and I feel like am losing it. Kindly help. BY DAILY NATION



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