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JUST BRENDA: Do relationships with much older men last?

 

Dear Brenda,

I am in my mid 20s and I have been dating a man in his 50s. It was a chance meeting the first time and we bumped into each other several times after that in industry events, before he asked me out.

I was sceptical, but at some point I fell for him and he has expressed the same, and we have been together almost 2 years; 1 year publicly. In fact, he wants us to marry officially and start a life together.

I am confused because my friends and family are discouraging me, saying he is too old. Some say I am with him for money, with others telling me to eat the money and move on. Honestly, he has no money.

I also overheard a friend of his questioning what he is doing with me and advising him to ‘hit and run’, but he told his friend he loves me and can’t do that. I just love him and his personality. I also don’t want to make choices I might regret. Do such relationships last? Help me.



Dear reader,

I am of the school of thought that a decision to date, to marry, to have some kind of relationship is only between the two parties to that relationship. When other people come in, it becomes a crowd.

You say you love him and it seems he loves you too, going by what you overheard, and it also seems both of you have something special you share. Lifelong commitments, such as a marriage, are big decisions–I dare say bigger than a dating relationship.

What you should ask yourself is whether you are willing to stick in there, bear the stares and questions, plan life together, and weather everything together. Because, hey, you can’t make people stop talking; and people will always talk!

You need to sieve out and block negativity, and instead take in positivity. But also, perhaps, listen to constructive advice, and choose what advice to use and what to discard.

Also, nowadays, is there such a big fuss over age as long as you are both adults? Have you seen how dynamic many relationships are in terms of age, race, tribe, personalities, etc.?

Relationships last, not because of ‘acceptable age gaps’, but because of the commitment by the couple, the work they put in and how they do it together.

And, as I said before, only the two people in the relationship know what they want, know what works for them, and can work at a common goal together. Age, honestly, could be nothing but a number if there is synergy between the two people. Think about having a candid talk with him about these questions you have. You never know, he may just be having similar questions; and this could help the two of you thrash out a clear common vision and way forward on your next chapter in life.

Anyway, life is not black and white. In the end, it is your decision to make. And only you, and your partner, know what you both truly want out of your relationship and whether you want to spend your life together in a legal/customary/religious commitment.

All the best.   BY DAILY NATION

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