Infertility affects your sex life. This is how to bring the kick back as you try for a baby
It is estimated that close to 200 million men and women in the world could be facing challenges with getting babies. Medically they are said to be infertile.
Infertility is defined as failure to conceive within 12 months of having frequent unprotected sex. This could occur to a couple that has previously had a child or those trying to do so for the first time. Frequent sex is said to happen when it occurs two to three times a week.
“Ours has been a struggle for seven years. It’s quite frustrating,” Joel said as I gave these definitions. He had come to the Sexology Clinic because he no longer had the desire for sex.
I asked Joel if the cause of their infertility had been identified. In about 35 percent of cases, it is the woman that has a problem. In another 35 percent, the man is the cause of infertility. There are cases where the cause is contributed by both parties and this makes up about 20 percent.
In the rest of the 10 percent of cases, the cause of infertility cannot be identified. It is therefore important that thorough medical investigations are done to classify the cause of infertility so that treatment is focused.
“We have done all that doctor,” Joel explains, “the doctors said something about my wife’s tubes not being okay and that my sperms are also an issue.”
I noted that Joel wanted us to focus on his sex issues and not go deeper into the issues of infertility. Having gone through the grueling examinations and tests for infertility, he was getting averse to the discussions around the subject. It is however known that problems with conception do affect sex and a man or woman going through infertility treatment should have sex therapy sessions.
Being diagnosed as infertile challenges your perception of your own self as well as that of your partner. There is a tendency to view yourself as less of a man or woman. At least that is what socialization puts in our minds.
You start thinking that you are not as whole as other men or women. Your spouse may similarly view you in the same way. This erodes your self-confidence. Your ego may crash. You may even develop hate for your body. All these factors impact your sexuality negatively.
Studies have shown that a majority of couples faced with infertility are not satisfied sexually. Sexual satisfaction has two aspects: emotional and physical. Emotional satisfaction relates to how best you connect emotionally at an intimate level with your partner.
Physical intimacy is the prowess with which you undertake the sexual act. Both aspects of satisfaction get affected when infertility sets in.
When sex is less satisfying, most couples facing the challenge of infertility lose interest and their desire goes down. They then resort to having sex for the sake of conceiving, not for pleasure. This makes sex to be mechanical and without flavour. This in itself is the cause of other sexual dysfunctions.
Anticipating sex that is not pleasurable takes away sexual excitement. A man may as a result end up with erection problems. A woman ends up not getting lubrication and the sex becomes painful. For the most part the woman will not orgasm. A man in such a situation ends up with erratic erections and premature ejaculation. These experiences only serve to further reduce sexual satisfaction.
“I have at one point or another had erection failure and I have used the blue pill once in a while but I could not relate it to our infertility problems,” Joel says.
The tragedy in all this is that treatment protocols for infertility currently do not include an assessment of the person’s sexuality or provide sex education, coaching, and treatment for sexual dysfunctions.
“Well, I think the doctors who treat infertility are not necessarily competent in the area of treating sexual problems,” Joel says, “I have seen a number of doctors for this problem and none talked about what to expect in my sex life.”
Given the complexity of the problem of infertility, it is definitely impossible to find one doctor who will take care of all the needs. It is expected that there will be male or female reproductive system problems. Hormones could also be an issue. Psychological, intimacy, and relationship problems can be myriad. This calls for a team rather than one doctor to manage the infertile couple comprehensively.
Going forward, I booked Joel and his wife for sex therapy. The couple did not only need to deliver a baby but do so in a fulfilling way. Without a satisfying sexual relationship chances of conception become a pipe dream. BY DAILY NATION

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