Advertise

Advertise

I was a serial cheater when my wife divorced, but I want her back

 

Hello, my name is Victor and I need your advice. I have been married for 13 years with three kids and my wife divorced me due to infidelity. The thing is, I still love her and I need her back. But I can't reach her since she has blocked me. She also took my daughters to her rural home so I cannot see or talk to them. I am stressed and at the same time, I regret my deeds. I kindly need advice and a good psychologist to counsel me since I have reached a point I don't want to continue living.

Thanks and waiting for your response. 

READERS ADVICE

I feel for you, Victor. You are reaping the harvest of what you planted. I can only imagine what your loving wife was passing through when you were cheating on her. It will cost you to bring her back into your life. I don't know how you will persuade her that you have reformed, but what I know is that even if you get her back she won't trust you again. I advise that you use her close allies like family members of a pastor to arbitrate.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale

---------

At face value, your wife has strong family values and your infidelity I suspect was of a world cup standard. For grandparents to take over grandchildren without raising ruckus is a pointer that you probably went overboard with your zip. To show that you are fully contrite and a changed man, bring your family onboard, suffer the humiliation of going to your in-laws and earnestly seek their forgiveness. Seek to "remarry" your wife because your personal attempts have failed.

Zack Omoro, Kitengela

---------

I admire your courage in admitting your mistake which is the cause of the break-up of your 13-year marriage. You have, however, withheld a lot of information. How long have you been separated? What were the circumstances prompting you to risk your marriage? I will advise you to do a thorough and candid soul searching of yourself. If you find that you can be trusted in the future, then contact her closest friend, relative, or pastor and send him/her to convince your wife to forgive you. 

Victor, you need a lot of patience. Have a victorious time. 

S.K.Mbogori, Meru


EXPERT'S TAKE

If you really want a second chance, then you need to reach out beyond using your phone. If her extended family are reachable you may use them to trace her and tell her how you feel and that you would like to have her and your children back. Note, there is no guarantee because she may have moved on fully. You may need to consult with a psychologist but as you do, know that you cannot live for your marriage alone. You must fight for your children regardless of the hurdles you will face. Do not attempt to separate them from their mum just be there so that later in life they can say that dad was there in our lives despite not being together with mum. 

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor





NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA



My boyfriend and I dated for six years before we finally decided to settle down. I went upcountry to get things ready for the dowry payment but unfortunately, I got locked down there due to Covid-19 and stayed for about seven months. When I came back I went straight to my boyfriend's house and we started living together but things had changed. I was stressed out; as I didn't have money to do anything—not even fare to go to work— but my husband never supported me. Anytime I borrowed money from him he would get angry and rude. 


Anytime we had a misunderstanding he would chat with his friends who are girls on WhatsApp which to me was disrespectful. Eventually, he started shutting down, stopped talking to me, and would come home late every day. When we eventually talked he confessed that he had met another girl when I was locked upcountry. He said nothing happened and deleted her phone number. But they still talk up to now, and when he receives her calls he walks off since I'll be angry. He also said he was not ready and that I had forced him into marriage. Sometimes he tries hard to meet his responsibilities as a man but he seems to be forcing himself. Right now he has shut down and never communicates. When I ask him he gets angry. We haven't been intimate for about three weeks now, and when I asked he angrily said he was taking time off to think. 

I feel tired and my emotions are all over the place. While we don't have a child, I feel he doesn't want me but he's afraid of saying so lest people say he has chased me away. I also feel he wants the other girl but he feels guilty since we've come so far with him. I can tell he doesn't want me because he's always angry at me, doesn't communicate, plans things by himself, and tells me off. 


He says I am overthinking stuff, but I feel he doesn't care, and the fact that he praises other girls and not me hurts me. I have lost my self-esteem and feel cheated on as I have not been able to forgive him for having another girl. I'm so unhappy, and sometimes I hate him so much, and when he shuts me off I just want to leave and never come back or see him again. I'm always angry, suspicious of him, and agitated. Honestly, am so tired of all these feelings. Please help me, is it wise to leave for good or what can I do? Kindly don't reveal my identity.   BY DAILY NATION    

No comments

Translate