Hello Pastor,
I am 26 years old, single, no boyfriend and jobless. I am currently facing a rough time as family members and friends look at me as a failure. I have pressure from both ends on getting married as they say I am too old; I don’t know what to do about this. Kindly advise.
Thank you.
Hi,
It is not uncommon to find women of 26 years and above who are still unmarried and jobless. The circumstances surrounding their state in marriage and their joblessness may vary. However, how we view and deal with such a stage in life is key. What is essential is for us to consider the following: First, developing a healthy self-image requires one to accept their stage in life. I read somewhere that one of the most important relationships you will have is with yourself. Refusing anxiety and fear that seems to arise from the stigma imposed by other people is essential.
Singlehood provides a valuable opportunity to learn about things you like or dislike while at the same time helping you embrace how to be your true self. One life lesson is that no one can live your life for you. Neither should anyone force you to live a life you never intended to live.
To this end, our convictions and beliefs are healthy because they help us make the right judgments in life. Most people have lived to regret their decisions or choices because some have ended up being unhealthy in the long run.
However, their dilemma is that things would have been different if they had given the matter another thought. As a single person, your decisions must be led by a transparent and well-calculated process. For example, you may agree that “yes, I may not be married, but I will not let people force me to enter unhealthy unions.”
Second, developing a healthy self-image requires that we practice contentment. This is a bit tricky because some people think that such a view is about giving up. I don’t think so. So, as a single, contentment comes from believing the truth about who God made you be. For example, is marriage the only way to happiness or living a fulfilled life?
Are there others who are married who wished they never did? As much as there will be people who will desire to pressurise us around on such issues of marriage or being jobless, we can only enter a door where we knock, and the one inside opens for us. In fact, we are never to enter any or every door we find open.
There are some open doors that will lead to danger. Contentment breeds a calmness in us not to allow anxiety to drive our decisions. Not every word that will be said to a single or a jobless person will be healthy. Choosing not to believe every word we hear helps us build contentment with endurance.
Third, having a self-healthy image as a single who is unemployed and unmarried will require good accountability. Because you are not legally bound to any man now, use the freedom you have to learn new things, grow, mature, and explore life without the guilt associated with those who are married.
Generally, strong friendships help you deepen the friendships and interactions you find most valuable, particularly those that can contribute healthy accountability for you. The single life helps you learn to value your relationships and freedoms; as you make decisions for yourself and make good choices and actions in a healthy accountable ecosystem.
Practically, as you accept who you are and build a healthy accountable ecosystem around you, I propose that you connect with people strategically. For example, when around people who could employ you, learn to share your dreams and goals in life. Be proactive to say, “By the way, would your place or would you know of someone who can take in an intern…. I am currently out of employment.
Let me know if you hear of something.” As an unemployed person, look out for opportunities to do business. Visit other younger people in industry and learn how to use their hands and creativity to make an honest living.
Avoid neglecting your mental health. Deal with the negative emotions that make you pessimistic or critical of life. Talk through such things exhaustively with your accountability partner. Second, take care of your physical wellbeing. Keep physically and mentally alert to fill out job applications. Do exercises and dress well regularly in clean clothes. Brush your teeth, get out and look presentable when you are with other people. Socialise well.
Third, remain alert in your area of skill or learn a new skill where possible. Be well-read and exposed to current affairs. Take free coaching and skill alignment classes whenever you hear of them. Whenever you can afford, practise a new skill, particularly where such a skill could open new doors. Fourth, make lots of applications and create time to be at the interviews. Don’t be idle.
Look for opportunities to grow and expand your qualifications through internships and volunteering. At times, try new areas you are passionate about, even if the job is not in your areas of specialisation, as long as you are willing to learn. BY DAILY NATION
