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The casual intimate affairs that end in premium tears

 

Nowadays, young urban men and women often stay single right through into their thirties, and even beyond.

They’re focused on their career, hugely competitive, and enjoying their spending power. They’re also often wary of traditional family values, even though they’re keen to explore their sexuality.

And so they tend to be open to casual intimate relationships.

That can include all sorts of arrangements, from former lovers who still occasionally hook up via booty calls, to drinking buddies who get intimate. And you hear them called by more highly inventive names than you can possibly imagine. ‘Friends with benefits’ already sounds quite old fashioned, and is being overtaken by ‘bed buddies’, ‘friends with a big F’, ‘insignificant other’, ‘maybe baby’, ‘seeing each other naked’, and stuff that is far too scary to mention!

But many people argue that it’s all terribly wrong, and will always end in tears.

So can it really work?

Yes. Sort of. But there’s little romance, openness or honesty. Friends who could once talk about anything now have a no-go area — the relationship itself. Each becomes afraid of developing feelings for the other in case they’re not returned.

Though many casual couples do become mutually supportive, and some develop a degree of affection and emotional intimacy.

Romantic relationships

Some are exclusive, some aren’t, and a few do eventually develop into traditional romantic relationships. But most just end, often in tears. Someone gets too attached, or finds someone they really want to date, or just gets bored and decides to move on.

The most straightforward arrangements involve friends who don’t work together or socialise in the same group. And who are experienced and understand the rules. They know they’re not dating, they’re just having fun. And not too often. There’s no expectation that they’ll see each other every day, or will keep in touch.

So they only communicate when they want to hook up. And they don’t do the things real couples do, like going shopping together, or double-dating. Or greeting one another with a kiss. So no-one else is any the wiser about their relationship. There’s no pressure to spend the night, no guilt, everything’s light and easy.

Physical pleasures

Doesn’t that sound so simple? All the physical pleasures of a relationship without the hassles? No talks about ‘the future,’ and plenty of time to pursue your own interests. Whether it’s another degree, golf, or just hanging out with your friends. Is it all really that easy?

No, of course not. No commitment means extra care to be very very safe, and not get pregnant. People also get used, and find themselves endlessly waiting for the message that never comes.

And above all, it really is difficult to separate physical intimacy from your emotions. Because a sexual relationship is far more than just a simple pleasure.

It exposes all your deepest feelings and needs, even if only for a few moments at a time. And does lasting damage when it ends.  BY DAILY NATION 

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