My ambitious plan to boost wife’s big salary

 

Never let anyone lie to you that money can’t buy happiness. And I am here talking as someone who has never had a lot of money, but who in the past two weeks has been intimate with someone who has come across money – Fiolina, the Lucky Laugh of my increasingly enviable life. Someone who knows what money can do.

Just a month ago, we did not know what a taxi was – we were using Msamaria Mwema to travel to Kakamega, but now we are using an Uber called Wasili for such journeys.

Never had I thought that I would ever dine at Golf Hotel, but today, it is a place I can easily go to, and my wife Fiolina calls the hotel her local. Whatever that means!

Until recently, we only knew that breakfast either consisted of tea with ugali leftovers, or sugarless porridge, but now, Fiolina prepares Cornflakes for breakfast and the word cereals and margarine is as common in our house as Okoa Jahazi and Fuliza is common in Kuya’s world!

Yes, I know it’s not my money, but I would like the enemies of development to know that several years ago, Fiolina and I became one. Her money is my money. And although my money is not necessarily her money, I am sure she remembers well that I am the one who paid for her education at Mosoriot TTC, without which she would never have landed such a big job.

Ran away

“Wewe naona ukiwachwa” said Saphire last Monday at Hitler’s. “It is very dangerous for a woman to have more money than the husband,” added Rasto. “Ask me.”

He then narrated to us how his first wife ran away from him when she got a job as a nursery school teacher many years ago, when he had nothing.

Many other people at Hitler’s expressed similar views, saying very soon, there will be no BBI between Fiolina and I, and that no woman has ever loved a broke man, or one with less money.

These people did not know Fiolina, or they were comparing her with their marriage coalition partners – partners who kept looking for new brides and grooms every election cycle. That said, as I staggered home that evening, I vowed to myself that although money may not a big problem to us, it was important that I also make my own so that the next time we are in Kakamega, I can also pay for lunch at Golf Hotel, or Rondo Retreat. Or buy Fiolina her red, sweet, dry wine.

 I, therefore, hatched a plan that would make me make some quick money. The next morning, I announced my plan to Class Eight students. “We all know that we have less than one month to KCPE,” I said. “And you know that you stayed out of school for such a long time. Please note that the examiner will not want to know that you were away for so long, you aren’t being tested for things you learnt in Class Eight, but things that you learnt since Class One.”

In short, I was offering KCPE revision guidance for the candidates.

“For only Sh700, please tell your parents that I will go to great lengths to help you prepare and pass your KCPE exams,” I said.

I am not suggesting that we will be revising the actual KCPE papers; all I am saying is that from history, some of my revision questions usually appeared in the real exam.

Several students seemed eager, and I was sure they would pay. I had even organised for a class eight parents meeting on Thursday had it not been for Kuya, who immediately let Bensouda know about my plans.

Expressed interest

“I understand you want to con Class Eight parents like you once did in 2018. Such will not happen in this school,” her text read. Since at least five students had expressed interest, I was not going to let the opportunity go to waste – I would find another place to conduct my tuition from.

I remembered that my private school, FioDrelina CBC Pedagogical Academy, was still in existence. At least three classes were still habitable. I went to a cyber cafe and printed a poster that I placed outside the school, and other strategic places in Mwisho wa Lami and beyond:

Dre Revision Masters. Experts in KCPE exam revision preparation.

The advantage of doing it outside Mwisho wa Lami Primary was that I could attract students from other schools, and secondly, I needed not share the proceeds with anyone. I planned to be leading the revision session every evening from 5pm, and from 10 am on weekends.

Within two days, I had received requests from over 12 candidates. Although no one had paid. Many wanted me to start immediately, but I will start the revision classes tomorrow at 5pm. This time I will not invite Lena to help me. It will be my money alone.

Soon, I too will have something to give Fiolina a well-deserved treat at Golf Hotel Kakamega, or at least buy cereals for breakfast. And I am not talking about maize!   BY  DAILY NATION