Hot this Valentine’s: David Ndii, Stingy Men, and a request for lockdown. LOL

 

LOL! We hear that focused men will be doing constructive things today and socially distance themselves from the sissies who buy flowers and pamper their women. For what is Valentine’s Day to a serious man?

The serious men are saying they can’t smell all that love the sissies say is in the air. They blame the three-layered masks they are wearing. Serious men wear three-layered masks with a piece of metal at the top. The serious lot also claim they can’t see red today.

Serious men say they will be in church, praying; and in conferences, learning. Others plan to be in such noble places as visiting the sick in hospital. 

And now to the big question: Who will be the guest speaker at the annual Men’s Conference this year? Who has done the most macho thing to deserve that spot?

Some quarters say perennial guest speaker Mzee Jackson Kibor has faced stiff competition for the spot from the likes of Omar Lali.

Veteran politician and farmer, Jackson Kibor, addresses the first Eldoret City Men's Congress held at Nobel Hotel in Eldoret town, Uasin Gishu County on October 21, 2019.

Jared Nyataya | Nation Media Group

Men's conference

Some even suggest the man who disappeared for 46 years then returned home in January be considered for the position. Others think it should be that man in a film clip who drove off when his date wanted him to open the car door for her — as if it hadn’t been opened by pressing the key.

Others want  the speaker to be the man who filmed himself questioning why a grown man in his right senses should be seeing only one woman.

Hey, Conference Organisers; we saw a tentative programme saying pro-men commentator Aoko Otieno will be among the speakers. How did that go? We also saw topics to be discussed in the conference included “The Death of Comrades in the Line of Duty: What is to be Done?” and “How to Kill Two Birds with One Stone as a Slay King”. Are they still there?

And, oh, what did some say should happen to economist David Ndii after his tweet about husbands cooking? Did someone really expel him in advance from this year’s men’s conference?

Kenyan economist Dr David Ndii.

Lucy Wanjiru | Nation Media Group

A little bird told us that men who have danced to Zuchu’s Sukari have also been barred from the event. Without sugar-coating any facts, is that the case?

Lockdown on Valentine's Day

We have also seen some of you reword a famous utterance by Senator James Orengo to: “Sometimes Valentine’s eats its own love birds. This Valentine’s will punish you more than it will punish me.” Given that his other prophecy came true, should we be scared?

Hi, Stingy Men Association of Kenya (Smak), will you be in the red on Valentine’s as usual? Where should we expect to see your motto, “Let Me See What I Can Do” displayed today? And, by the way, are the membership cards out? A lot of men want theirs more than they want the Huduma Namba card. We saw one among you who suggest that a certain top politician should get that card. Oh yes, we saw it, you stingy bunch.

We have been going through the things you have been saying on your Facebook group in the lead-up to Valentine’s. We saw someone ask for a confirmation of the time members had agreed to switch off their phones today.

And did we hear one of you suggest that President Uhuru Kenyatta should declare a nationwide lockdown covering the whole of Valentine’s Day?

COURTESY OF NATION MEDIA.