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Content creator Tracy Waithera now says growing up in a toxic environment negatively affected her life.
Tracy says her grandmother was a brew seller while her father was physically abusive.
” When my mum left my dad, she left me in the footsteps of my grandmother’s doorstep.
Violence was normal in my family,
My dad left when I was 10. My mum came from a very poor background.
So the first instance when we were thrown out, we had nowhere to go.
Her family told us to go back to that marriage., but my mum refused to.”
Tracy alleged that her grandmother (now deceased) was also abusive to her (Tracy’s) dad
“My dad was being beaten in our presence, we were kids then.
I now understand why he had a lot of anger, he thought you had to beat someone to get your message delivered.
My grandma used to sell alcohol.”
Tracy further added
“Growing up I wondered why my life was full of chaos.
I was looking forward to the day my life was peaceful. I grew up in violence from both sides.”
How did she end up suicidal?
“I never thought I would be suicidal, the unhealed wounds can lead to your end.
I was escaping and numbing my pain with alcohol.
Nobody would see it because from the outside I looked like I had made it.
But I was not.”
Tracy says being in such a situation made her question her self-worth
“I went into depression and anxiety before the suicidal thoughts clicked in.
I questioned if I was needed in this world.”
She says she took some time off to seek God and have a relationship with him.
She still has a good relationship with her dad but she can only love him from afar.
